Photo: from open sources
Having an emotionally detached or absent father can lead to difficulties in establishing trust later in life
PhD and American psychologist Mark Travers explained how long-standing problems with your parents can negatively affect your personal life.
“Importantly, these problems don’t necessarily mean that someone has a bad relationship with their parents or even that they grew up without them. Instead, they reflect unmet emotional needs or unresolved attachment traumas from childhood, and over time they shape how we relate to others in adulthood,” the expert said in an article for Forbes.
He added that in psychology, these issues are known as “parental trauma” – or “maternal trauma” and “paternal trauma,” respectively.
Here’s how they can manifest themselves in romantic relationships, he said:
“Maternal trauma” in relationships
In most cases, “maternal trauma” occurs because of a particular turning point in childhood: when mothers can become emotionally unavailable or overly critical.
Regardless of the specific root cause, these effects tend to fall into two general patterns: seeking excessive validation from partners or pushing them away to avoid vulnerability.
In addition to seeking validation, some people may also seek a “caregiver” dynamic in their relationships. As The Journal of Psychotherapy Practice and Research has shown, they may unconsciously try to find a partner who in some ways resembles an idealised version of their mother figure – the result of what early psychologists called the ‘Oedipus complex’.
On the other hand, some people may react by avoiding intimacy altogether. If the mother figure was overbearing, a child may grow up with a fear of that level of closeness and avoid at all costs the loss of their autonomy just as they did as a child.
“Paternal trauma” in relationships
As explained in a study in the Australian and New Zealand Journal of Family Therapy, for both men and women, ‘paternal wounding’ often arises from observations made in childhood. Having an emotionally detached or absent father can later lead to difficulties in establishing trust, problems with authority figures, or self-esteem issues.
“Father trauma” can manifest itself in two opposing ways: clinging to partners for stability or maintaining emotional distance as a self-protective measure.
That is, in some cases, people with deep-seated “father trauma” may find that they are drawn to partners who offer a sense of security and guidance. In other cases, they may seek out relationships in which they themselves are a beacon of safety and guidance.
According to a 2012 Child Abuse Review study, this type of “paternal trauma” is the result of a pervasive patriarchal norm: men should focus solely on keeping order while remaining emotionally stoic.
