According to the expert, the main rule is honesty, but without cruelty
Breaking up is always painful. But it is one thing when you just “leave”, slamming the door, and quite another – when you end the relationship with dignity, with minimal losses for both. If it’s time to say “it’s time for us to part ways”, do it the right way. Life coach Vitaliy Kursik told RBC-Ukraine about how to talk to your partner about the breakup so as not to destroy him with these words.
According to the expert, the main rule is honesty, but without cruelty. Excuses like “it’s not you, it’s me”, “I’m just not ready for a serious relationship” sound beautiful, but rarely help to close the issue.
“Honesty is important, but it should be spoken delicately, without humiliation or accusations,” adds the coach.
For men: how to tell a woman about a breakup
Women are more emotional, and even if they themselves guess the inevitable end, they need explanations.
Choose the right moment
You should not talk about breaking up before important events in her life or during times of emotional instability.
Be specific
Avoid vague phrases. For example, instead of “I don’t know what I want”, it is better to say “I realise that our paths are diverging and I no longer feel that this relationship makes us happy”.
Don’t offer to “stay friends” right away
“This only complicates the situation. Give time, and if she wants it herself – friendship is possible later,” advises Vitaly Kursik.
Don’t disappear without explanation
“Just disappear” is not a breakup, it’s escapism. A woman needs a logical conclusion.
For women: How to tell a man about a breakup
Men don’t always openly show emotion, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t hurting.
Don’t make the breakup a dramatic spectacle
Tears, accusations, manipulation will only complicate the process. Speak clearly and calmly.
Give him a chance to “digest” the information
“Men need more time to realise emotions. If he reacts coldly or aloofly at first, that’s normal,” explains the expert.
Don’t use sex as a “last goodbye”
It only confuses both of them and gives them false hope. And it can make the breakup more painful.
Show respect
Even if he made a lot of mistakes, remember the good moments.
“The phrase ‘thank you for all the good things that happened between us’ gives you a chance to close the story without bitterness,” advises the specialist.
General advice for both
- Speak in person. Breaking up over a text message is brutal. If the relationship was meaningful, take the time to talk in person.
- Don’t leave gaps. Explain the reasons so that your partner has no illusions that “maybe there’s still a chance”.
- Don’t expect instant understanding. Give your partner time to process the loss, don’t demand that they accept the situation immediately.
- Don’t play on guilt. The breakup is the responsibility of both of you. Excessive guilt only prevents you from moving on.
“Breakup is not the end of the world, but an opportunity to start a new stage of life. And if you leave with dignity, even former relationships will leave in your memory not only pain, but also gratitude for the moments lived together,” summarises Vitaly Kursik.
