Why after the end of a relationship you want to go back to your ex-partner or partner, read below
A breakup is the end. But then why is it so common to have the thought, “Maybe we could still be together?” It’s not just nostalgia or weakness – there are very real psychological mechanisms behind it. Vitaliy Kursik, a life coach, told RBC-Ukraine Life Coach.
Comfort zone is stronger than logic
As the expert explains, even if the relationship was far from ideal, it was familiar. The human brain hates change and tries to bring us back to a familiar environment, even if it didn’t make us happy.
Idealisation of the past
Some time after a breakup, the memory wipes out the negativity and leaves only the good moments.
You no longer remember the quarrels, misunderstandings, and pain, but you vividly see the funny moments, the passionate nights, and the “special connection”,” explains the coach.
Fear of loneliness
Regardless of who initiated the breakup, being alone is scary. And getting back together seems like a quick and easy way to fill that void.
Emotional dependency
In a long-term relationship, a bond is formed not only at the level of emotions, but also at the level of brain chemistry. If your partner has been a source of support, joy, or even conflict for you, breaking up is perceived as “withdrawal”.
Fear of the new
After a breakup, you have to learn to live again: change habits, look for new people, build new relationships.
“It is difficult and incomprehensible. And the old option seems familiar and simple,” the expert adds.
Is it worth coming back?
If the breakup was impulsive and you’re both willing to work on your mistakes, sometimes giving a relationship a second chance is worth it. But if the breakup was due to incompatibility, toxicity, or lack of love, going back is just an escape from loneliness.
“If you can’t make sense of your feelings, a coach can help you look at the situation from the outside and understand: is this a real desire or just fear of the unknown? Because you should come back only when you are sure that you really want to,” summarises Vitaly Kursik.
